Question of the day

Or question of the morning or of the evening or whatever

Am i really not worth persuing ? (persuing meaning making an effort to get me)

jaja

jaja, hier ben ik weer, en k denk da iedereen ondertussen al wel door heeft wa da wilt zeggen: i'm feeling like shit. in deze editie: de blijkbaar jaarlijkse lentedepressie en onverwacht liefdesverdriet. jaja, ongelooflijk als het lijkt, ik kwam, ik zag, ik werd verliefd en wonder boven wonder t was wederzijds. op zich al een half mirakel, nog verrassender was dat het maar bleef duren. nuja, voor mij wilt da ni bepaald veel zeggen, de langste relatie die ik hiervoor gehad had duurde 10 weken, om maar een idee te geven. ma bon, na drie maanden was k nog altijd even verliefd als in t begin.. misschien zelfs een beetje meer.. maar dan begon alles zowa bergaf te gaan, ni van mijn kant maar van die van hem. dus drie weken - bijna 4 weken - geleden stelde ik De Vraag: "ziet ge mij nog graag" en hij kon ni ja zeggen. dusjah. da was Het Eind. en sindsdien.. nuja.. in de paasvakantie heb k stage gedaan, dus k had ni echt veel tijd om te veel na te denken.. maar nu.. nu k eigenlijk terug gewoon les heb.. krijg k niks meer gedaan. ma echt niks meer. t enige da k doe is filmkes kijken en lezen. naar de les gaan, vergeet t; gewoon buiten iets gaan doen, geen zin in, of sebiet; koken en afwassen, weet ge nog iets.. ik verdoe mijn dagen me niksdoen, k voel me daar enorm schuldig over en k geraak ni in gang om er iets aan te doen. en ik mis hem.. zo hard..

Right

Forgot to mention that I'm currently also feeling pretty bad physically... I've never been ill for this long before (it started last Monday...) Normally it takes me 3 days to get over the worst of it & 4 more days to shake off the lingering feeling of not-well being.. Not this time though.

(I'm not going to mention that I only came home from partying at 7.40am Sunday (or Saturday for me) and that I only slept like 3 hours. It obviously has nothing to do with it. Unbopsibly.)

Once more whining

Yes, I know, I'm always whining when I post here, but well.. that's what it's for I guess..

I got my exam schedule Monday. It looks extremely horrible.. I have 3 exams 4/6, 2 exams 5/6, 4 (yes, FOUR!!) exams 8/6 and a last (lost..) one 18/6. WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THAT ? OK, I am an exception, it is not a normal curriculum, but does that mean I have to SUFFER like this? Well, at least I'll be rid of them soon..

Next to that comes the realisation that i can't possible pass my German exams. They're too demanding.. Not that I won't try.. Trust me, I will, but well.. chances of actually making it are like.. 0,01 %.. and that's optimistic thinking..

I'm constantly assaulting myself with would haves and should haves, feeling very disappointed with myself. I have no character. No discipline. No desires strong enough for me to do what's needed. Basically, I'm weak. And I hate it. Thoroughly.

I don't want to lose my radio :(

New Royalty Rates For Internet Radio, Say Good-Bye to Internet Radio

/me goes boing boing !

In case the title's not enough for you... I'm whiiiiiiii happyyyy for some reason, and actually have been for the last couple of days. You see, no news is good news ;)

/me goes boing boing some more !

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Heroes in a half-shell
Turtle power!

They're the world's most fearsome fighting team (We're really hip!)
They're heroes in a half-shell and they're green (Hey - get a grip!)
When the evil Shredder attacks
These Turtle boys don't cut him no slack!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Splinter taught them to be ninja teens (He's a radical rat!)
Leonardo leads, Donatello does machines (That's a fact, Jack!)
Raphael is cool but crude (Gimme a break!)
Michaelangelo is a party dude (Party!)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Heroes in a half shell
Turtle power!


AND there's going to be an animated movie ! whiiiiii

OK

I've had the worst of the breakdown. The rest will solve itself in time.

Now just hope I don't come down with the flue in the meanwhile...

Mental breakdown...

... like now

I hate this.

Grades...

At the time I got 2 grades back: I scored 9,5/20 on my 1st year Dutch course (I knew I'd either pass barely or fail barely) and 7/20 on my 2nd year German-Dutch translating exam, which is pretty good seeing as we had to study vocabulary (1/3 of the points) & I had no idea..

So, so far I'm not complaining!

Whas wrong?

It's kind of hard to explain why I'm not happy.. I know I have very little reason to be unhappy, but well, here I am, not being happy anyway.. It's a combination of little things I guess..

First there's school, which is demanding to say the least, combined with the not feeling in place in any of the groups there, as I constantly skip from group to group.
Then there's the financial troubles (not only my own personal troubles - I'm slowly getting as broke as it gets - but also the ones my parents are having being laid off & retired with two studying kids & a mortgage to pay) combined with the fact that I should start looking for a job but am too lazy & am not up for it right now due to all the work for school I should be doing.
Thirdly we have my mom & best friend not being too happy either at the moment.
Also in the last few years I started getting winter depressions due to a lack of light or whatever.
It's also important for me to claim my life back from the big monster called sleep. My body's not happy with "just" 8 hours any more, it wants 10 or 11 & even then I don't feel completely awake. (I'm hoping sports will solve this one for me.)
And to top it off (how cliche to write this on valentine's day..) I'm single.

If it were just one of them I'd be perfectly able to deal with it, but as it is, it's a bit too much..

Not happy

I'm not happy, blog. Not Happy.

That's all I have to say at the moment

Tomorrow, tomorrow

Tomorrow I have another exam, but it's not really registering in my brain. I feel like I still got loaaads of time. Not that it matters much, it's in the afternoon & it's English grammar, so I guess I'll be fine anyway. Not going to do a big deal of studying for it. But Friday.. AARGH how I fear Friday! Two German exams on one morning. It's gonna hurt like hell. I'll most likely get a ticket for the reruns in August/September. Man, am I looking forward to that.. BUT after tomorrow's exam, I'll be over half! Finally! It feels like I've been having exams or been preparing for them for like forever. FOR-EVER!

I'm sick of it, sick of it, sick of it!!!

On the good side, in a week and two days I'll be rid of exams till end of May. Which is almost 4 months, great.. *sighs*

Oral exams..

What I really hate about oral exams is that I'm one of the first in the alphabet, (my last name starts with B..) which means that I'm always one of the first to go in there. In itself not really a problem, it's just one of the first to go in is always Very early in the morning. I'm not functional at 8.30 am! My body just isn't made for being awake that early.

I just got back from my English lit exam. It didn't go as well as I hoped it would, But I got the grades for my essay back. I scored 17/20. Sooo, to pass I only had to get a 3/20 this time, which I'm pretty sure I got. I do think my teacher was a little disappointed that my exam wasn't as good as my essay, can't be sure though..

Anyway, I'll let my parents know how it went and take a nap..

*yawn*

I want to go to bed, but I'm still rereading the last chapter of my English lit course.. I guess I should have started earlier.. Yet another whoops & uh-ow! (My life is full of them *G*)
But I already took a nap, so all will be fine :)

I'll have to go shopping tomorrow, I almost completely ran out of fruit & veggies: I have 1 mandarine, 1 kiwi, 1 carrot and 1 tomato left.
I do have 2 apples laying in the fridge, but they've been there for such a long time I doubt they're still edible. I'll have to check some time soon though..

Oven!

I forgot to mention that I recently got an oven! It's a very tiny one, combined with a toaster, that kind of thing, but after not having an oven at all, this is a major improvement. Today for examply I had turkish bread with mozarella & tomato & basil & olive oil in the oven, extremely yummie, and a hamburger with molten cheese on it.. so good..

It's a pity it's not big enough to bake a pizza in, but well, it'll do ;)

LONG LIVE THE OVEN !

"Why Men Want Women To Be Inferior" by Virginia Woolf

"Women have served all these centuries as looking glasses possessing the magic and delicious power of reflecting the figure of man at twice its natural size. Without this power probably the earth would still be swamp and jungle... Mirrors are essential to all violent and heroic action. That is why Napoleon and Mussolini both insist so emphatically upon the inferiority of women, for if they were not inferior, they would cease to enlarge."
from 'A Room of One's Own', p. 35

I feel like shopping!

Really, why is it always on a Sunday that I feel the sudden urge to go out and buy clothes ?! Shops are closed on Sundays!!! It's also very stupid that we haves sales in Belgium now. Well, not stupid, but completely unfair to college & uni students, who have exams now and have to study. My last exam is actually the day after the sales end.

UNFAIR UNFAIR UNFAIR !!!

I need new clothes too !

So I guess I'll have to take time out to do some shopping. I'm pretty sure all the good things will have been taken though.. *shows a very sad look*

Ah well...

Stray thought

I really want to dye my hair again some time soon. It's starting to get light again..

Right!

Forgot to mention that my exams went ok, or at least ok enough :D
Next one Monday.. But English literature, so I don't really mind. Interesting stuff.. I couldn't put myself to studying today though, and I don't really understand why not. I've actually been pretty bored most of the day, so now I'm feeling like "I should have studied, I wouldn't have been this Bored!"
I am kind of nervous about my German lit exam Friday.. But well, still got time for that !

And it was really nice to have mom & dad visiting yesterday. We went out shopping and then ate Greek, very yummie! Since I'm living in a student room, it's really much & many nicer to see my parents back. We don't really have arguments any more and even if we do, we're just happy to see each other at the end of the week. I'm now really starting to realize how much I love them. (That's a good thing, isn't it?)

Oh oh! And Saturday I'm going to a beauty parlor with my mom for a facial treatment. I really hope something can finally be done about my acne, I got special pills, but they're taking a goddamn long time starting to work! (I've been taking them for over 2 months and there's some improvement, but not nearly enough!)