Tomorrow, tomorrow

Tomorrow I have another exam, but it's not really registering in my brain. I feel like I still got loaaads of time. Not that it matters much, it's in the afternoon & it's English grammar, so I guess I'll be fine anyway. Not going to do a big deal of studying for it. But Friday.. AARGH how I fear Friday! Two German exams on one morning. It's gonna hurt like hell. I'll most likely get a ticket for the reruns in August/September. Man, am I looking forward to that.. BUT after tomorrow's exam, I'll be over half! Finally! It feels like I've been having exams or been preparing for them for like forever. FOR-EVER!

I'm sick of it, sick of it, sick of it!!!

On the good side, in a week and two days I'll be rid of exams till end of May. Which is almost 4 months, great.. *sighs*

Oral exams..

What I really hate about oral exams is that I'm one of the first in the alphabet, (my last name starts with B..) which means that I'm always one of the first to go in there. In itself not really a problem, it's just one of the first to go in is always Very early in the morning. I'm not functional at 8.30 am! My body just isn't made for being awake that early.

I just got back from my English lit exam. It didn't go as well as I hoped it would, But I got the grades for my essay back. I scored 17/20. Sooo, to pass I only had to get a 3/20 this time, which I'm pretty sure I got. I do think my teacher was a little disappointed that my exam wasn't as good as my essay, can't be sure though..

Anyway, I'll let my parents know how it went and take a nap..

*yawn*

I want to go to bed, but I'm still rereading the last chapter of my English lit course.. I guess I should have started earlier.. Yet another whoops & uh-ow! (My life is full of them *G*)
But I already took a nap, so all will be fine :)

I'll have to go shopping tomorrow, I almost completely ran out of fruit & veggies: I have 1 mandarine, 1 kiwi, 1 carrot and 1 tomato left.
I do have 2 apples laying in the fridge, but they've been there for such a long time I doubt they're still edible. I'll have to check some time soon though..

Oven!

I forgot to mention that I recently got an oven! It's a very tiny one, combined with a toaster, that kind of thing, but after not having an oven at all, this is a major improvement. Today for examply I had turkish bread with mozarella & tomato & basil & olive oil in the oven, extremely yummie, and a hamburger with molten cheese on it.. so good..

It's a pity it's not big enough to bake a pizza in, but well, it'll do ;)

LONG LIVE THE OVEN !

"Why Men Want Women To Be Inferior" by Virginia Woolf

"Women have served all these centuries as looking glasses possessing the magic and delicious power of reflecting the figure of man at twice its natural size. Without this power probably the earth would still be swamp and jungle... Mirrors are essential to all violent and heroic action. That is why Napoleon and Mussolini both insist so emphatically upon the inferiority of women, for if they were not inferior, they would cease to enlarge."
from 'A Room of One's Own', p. 35

I feel like shopping!

Really, why is it always on a Sunday that I feel the sudden urge to go out and buy clothes ?! Shops are closed on Sundays!!! It's also very stupid that we haves sales in Belgium now. Well, not stupid, but completely unfair to college & uni students, who have exams now and have to study. My last exam is actually the day after the sales end.

UNFAIR UNFAIR UNFAIR !!!

I need new clothes too !

So I guess I'll have to take time out to do some shopping. I'm pretty sure all the good things will have been taken though.. *shows a very sad look*

Ah well...

Stray thought

I really want to dye my hair again some time soon. It's starting to get light again..

Right!

Forgot to mention that my exams went ok, or at least ok enough :D
Next one Monday.. But English literature, so I don't really mind. Interesting stuff.. I couldn't put myself to studying today though, and I don't really understand why not. I've actually been pretty bored most of the day, so now I'm feeling like "I should have studied, I wouldn't have been this Bored!"
I am kind of nervous about my German lit exam Friday.. But well, still got time for that !

And it was really nice to have mom & dad visiting yesterday. We went out shopping and then ate Greek, very yummie! Since I'm living in a student room, it's really much & many nicer to see my parents back. We don't really have arguments any more and even if we do, we're just happy to see each other at the end of the week. I'm now really starting to realize how much I love them. (That's a good thing, isn't it?)

Oh oh! And Saturday I'm going to a beauty parlor with my mom for a facial treatment. I really hope something can finally be done about my acne, I got special pills, but they're taking a goddamn long time starting to work! (I've been taking them for over 2 months and there's some improvement, but not nearly enough!)

My favorite poem

I'm sure many of you already know this is my favorite poem, I love to quote it every once in a while (I know the first paragraph by heart, it is in my opinion the most true)


Philip Larking - This Be The Verse

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
 They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
 And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
 By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
 And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
 It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
 And don't have any kids yourself.

Too fucking early..

It's 8am, I'm drinking my coffee and smoking my ciggie. Take-off in 4 mins.

Finally

I can go to bed..

I'm gonna be a zombie tomorrow.

I just googled myself...

An idea I got from the course I'm studying.. (There are much and many off the mark cartoons in it, at least they're pretty interesting..)

So I just googled myself.. And apparently I have an exact namesake somewhere in Denmark.

Freaky.

I thought one of me was quite enough to be honest !

Whoops & uh-oh..

Remember what I said about tomorrow's exams? Yeah? Well, now I've really gone & done it.. It is now 11pm and I still have to study most of it.

I went out for food with Lies, then we visited Isabel for a while and after that we watched the last 3 episodes of Heroes that are available so far.

Yes, this is what I call a "whoops & uh-oh".

By the way..

I'm hungryyyyy

Feed me, feed me !!

Studying feels so useless..

I have 2 exams tomorrow.

The first one counts for 1/5 of the total course. Not that much.. The other grades I have to earn by writing an essay. It has to be finished 12/3 and I haven't even started on it yet. *sigh*

The second exam is for 3/5 of the grades. We already had a test for the other 2/5 and I scored 19,5/20. So, i still need to score 5,5/30 to pass. Not bad huh ?

Are you surprised to hear that I'm totally not motivated to study for tomorrow's exams? No? I didn't think you'd be..

TetriNET addiction

Yes, you understand correctly. Exams are here & I'm fully addicted to TNet again. And worse of all is that I'm actually starting to get really good at it, so well, little incentive to stop and actually do something useful (like studying). I feel so guilty for not having done anything.. But at the same time I really don't want to do anything either. I'm just so sick of it already.. And that's really a bad thing, cause my parents are really investing in this and I really do want to get the extra degree.. But.. I just can't set myself to it, you know? I'm fine once I got started. I'll stay focused for at least like.. half an hour.. and then my mind wanders again. Or I start yawning so badly I get tears in my eyes and can't read on. Or I "happen to look" at my msn and someone said something. Or.. too many or's..

I think I'm really winter-tired again. I need some light to make me awake again! I think man was originally designed to hibernate or something, and that lingers in our system somehow. I'll try tanning beds again next week. That's what I did last year, and it really helped. Mind, this has nothing to do with wanting a tan, it's just that I need the light & heat. Not that I've been cold this winter, it's just so damn dark all the time.

Starting next week, I'll do much & many sports too. I'm too physically inactive to be able to mentally concentrate for long.

And now I really have to go to bed..

Weird

I slept long, I slept good & I'm still exhausted. Can't keep my eyes open, which is sort of annoying since I want to study & all... And I can't keep from yawning. Maybe I shouldn't have had breakfast.. Eating makes me tired.. (apparently..)

Oh, and I only have a bit of muscle ache in my belly, none at all in my butt. Very surprising.. I just hope it's not a delayed reaction & that it'll start hurting tomorrow.. njeh..

*sigh*

Well, exam was multiple choice, so I'm not going to say how it went. Cause I have no clue whatsoever. But anyway, I did it !

I even managed to sleep decently, despite the fact that I'm completely jet lagged compared to the rest of the world. (Yes, I am a creature of the night. Fear me! Or not, whatever..) I just kept telling myself I was just taking a nap.. And it worked ! Whiiiii!!

And tonight, I went out for sports. Yes, sports! I took a group lesson called "butt & belly" (you're allowed to laugh now..) It was ok, but not really superfun. BUT at least I'm moving again! I'll take a spinning course next week, after that I'll see.. I'll probably keep doing sports though, moving feels right. Man's not made to sit behind a desk all day!

Exams tomorrow..

My exams start tomorrow & I'm already sick and tired of studying for them. Bad, bad, bad.. BUT I'll be fine ! And if I'm not, I'll just go back in August & be fine then. No stress, no panic :D

In other news, I currently have a kiwi & carrot addiction, so very yummie :D and a lot healthier than eating candy & chocolate all the time. (Yes, I am one of those people who have to eat while they study ;) )

KIWI
CARROT
WHIIIIIIII

Enlightenment

Well, I'm studying German literature at the moment and I found something this world actually needs to have again: the age of enlightenment. Too many people these days are just part of the flock...

Immanuel Kant:
"Aufklärung ist der Ausgang des Menschen aus seiner selbstverschuldeten Unmündigkeit. Unmündigkeit ist das Unvermogen, sich seines Verstandes ohne Leitung eines anderen zu bedienen. Selbstverschuldet ist diese Unmündigkeit, wenn die Ursache derselben nicht am Mangel des Verstandes, sondern der Entschließung und des Mutes liegt, sich seiner ohne Leitung eines anderen zu bedienen. Sapere aude! Habe Mut, dich deines eigenen Verstandes zu bedienen! ist also der Wahlspruch der Aufklärung."

EDIT: I'll try to translate this sometime soon, right now I don't really have the time.. But soon !!

HUNGERRR

Oh my God I'm so damn hungry ! And I ate loads for dinner.. but well, it being 2am might have something to do with it of course.. it's really past time for a midnight snack. I already tried having an apple and it worked for a bit, but now.. man.. my tummy craaaaves food.. and not potato chips or something.. I have those laying around here & I totally do not feel like having them..

Why do I have to be picky when I'm hungry??

Oh I know what I want.. and I'm going to get it..

I WANT CHOCOLATE !!!

And here I am again !

Not venting this time, at least not really ;)

I'll just.. iono.. whine a bit I guess.. Actually I should be going to bed about now, but well, I just don't feel like it, so I'll spam my blog a bit (I've been made to understand that not spamming your blog regularly is bad manners.. And we can't have bad manners, now can we?)

I'll spam a bit about what my days are like lately.. For starters, they're filled with guilt. Now you'll think guilt? What kind of guilt? Such a nice sweet girl can't be guilty of anything now can she? (ahem.. *G*) Well, I am guilty. I am guilty to the great sin of sloth.
So instead of spending my days studying as I should, I spend them basically doing nothing useful, acting as if I still have holidays. Which, as you might have figured already, shouldn't be the case. My exams start on Monday and there's only one exam I actually prepared for. ONE. Out of NINE. So you see, I am guilty.
Also I am quite concious of the fact that I smoke too much. I bought a new pack yesterday evening and it's gone. GONE! I smoked an entire pack in 24 hours. Let me tell you people, this is BAD. I think I'll refrain from buying new ones as long as I can. Which probably won't be that long.
And to top things off, I catch myself dreaming of a relationship. Yes, you read correctly, a relationship. And honestly, I don't know why. I don't have time for a relationship and I really don't want to make time for it. Or that's at least what I tell myself. I'm just too lazy for a relationship to work out. (Yes, sloth again.. truly my favorite sin *G*) And I admit I'm afraid of being "caged" again. But STOP! This is starting to look a lot like venting & that's not what I had in mind for today! ;)

Hmm let's see, what else can I spam about?

Well, I think I'll eat durum tomorrow! I've actually been saying that for about.. 2 weeks now? and still I haven't had any.. I'm just too lazy to leave the house to go get it. Not that it's far away or anything, I'm just too lazy.. Gennie, my dear, if you happen to read all this, where can I get the best durum in town? ;) Right now I get it at the thingy closest to me, and it's pretty yummie, but I might feel adventurous (& active!) and drive around the city to find the yummiest :)

Right, that's something else I can say! I really need to take up sports again. And this time not because I'm fat or not happy with my body or whatever, just for the sake of moving. I'm starting to feel more and more like a plant, and having worked out last year apparently really helped against that. So, I should fight sloth and find something nice to do.. maybe yoga? hmm no not enough moving.. something that really wears me out.. absolutely NOT running, driving a bike or fitness, that appears to just not work for me.. Something where an entire group of people -usually mostly women- jumps around like idiots. Yes. But not aerobics. No.. Something where I'm almost obligated to go to. Yes. Time to browse the net for a nice workout!

Venting

Well it's an incredibly long time since i last used this thing, so long ago i can't even remember when my last post was.. but well, here i am again, and of course because there are some things i have to get off my chest.

For those who happen to read this & don't know me, i'm almost 24 and i've been single for the biggest part of my life, due to different reasons which i won't sum up here (let's just say one of them is that i'm picky.. really really picky ;) )

But anyway, as you might already have suspected, this venting post is about my singleness. I don't mind being single. I love the freedom to do what i want, when i want to do it, with whoever i want to do it with. Basically, i love to be able to make my own choices without anyone interfering and nagging that i'm making the wrong choice or whatever. But unfortunately.. and naturally.. being single has some huge downsides. The one that disturbed me most is the lack of physical contact. I sorely miss sleeping next to someone and waking up next to that person. It's not even about sex, i can deal with a life without sex (well i think at least, i'm doing pretty good so far), i just can't live with the physical solitude which is - in my opinion at least - socially laid down on singles. Can you imagine a friend walking up to you & saying "hi, how are you ? good ? nice ! well, i had something to ask you.. you know, i was just wondering if you'd want to sleep with me tonight, i just don't want to sleep alone for once." ok, i admit, people probably already think i'm a freak, but that doesn't mean i want to go that far. Not to forget about all the "what ifs". What if you happen to ask the wrong person to sleep with you and he/she expects sth more than just sleeping ? which, to be honest, could perfectly well be expected from like about anyone. Ah crap i'm going in circles.. And actually it all comes down to just one question:

Is it really freaky not to want a partner, but just to want someone to sleep next to you?